"...looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. for consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself, lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls." (Heb 12:2,3)

Let’s face it, how difficult would it be to love a child who does all the right things: is well behaved, respectful, helpful and most of all very academically inclined; always at the top of the class? Every sound thinking parent or guardian wants to hear his child being praised by friends, colleagues and the neighbors, has his/her name on the school Honor roll, or has earned himself a place in college or University. Thinking of these as one wakes up at 4am(or earlier) each day to wade into a senseless traffic that drains every sense of serenity one might have woken up with in order to face an over bearing boss and a job that one really has no passion for is fuel to keep one going. Knowing that one’s child or ward is on the path to a better future is a great incentive to keep one facing all the odds that life brings.
But what happens when it is just the opposite; when all you see each day is a child who is uncooperative; always wanting to have things his or her way, can’t even get along with her friends at a simple game and every attempt to have a simple conversation turns into a debate session; his/her grades have hit rock bottom, and to make matters worse, his/her choice of friends are none order than those headed in the same aimless direction? Now, without being too religious about this, how easy will it be to Unconditionally love this chap or gal? It would probably feel a whole lot better to keep dreaming that one would wake up from this night mare or even have a child exchange opportunity:-)

KING DAVID’S DELIMA (1I SAM 13,14)
King David was now doing well as the King of Israel. Everything seemed to be going well;the Kingdom, his wives and children; things could not be better. But then his first son Amon ‘falls’ in love with his half sister Tamar the sister of Absalom, his very good looking and ambitious son. Amon who was probably used to having whatever he wanted, could not tear himself away from the emotions that raged within him for sister. And then his cousin Jonadab gives him an ‘award winning’ advice; he tells him to pretend to be sick. And when his father the King comes to see him, he would request that his sister Tamar comes to his house to make him some food. It sounded very innocent, so his father David agreed and did just that. Tamar comes in unsuspecting and makes food for her sick brother, who then asks everyone to leave, and then asks that she brings the food to his room where he forcefully rapes his sister and throws her out because his ‘love’ had suddenly turned sour like it often does because it was not real love in the first place but lust. Well King David their father hears of this and is very upset. Absalom also hears of this disgraceful act, consoles his sister and keeps her in his home. For a long while it looks like all this was in the past; then 2 years later, Absalom decides to hold a family event and wants every member of the family to be present, including the King and Amon. After some discussions, Absalom convinces his father to at least let all his brothers be at the event. David somehow agrees and and at the event which Absalom had taken his time to carefully plan, Amon is murdered. In shock, everyone dispersed. David heard and was furious and sad over the loss of his first son Amon. Absalom in fear runs away from home and stays away for 3 years until through some intervention his father who had by this time calmed down, agreed for him to return home. But King David is still obviously hurt and would not see Absalom. So eventhough he agrees to have Absalom brought home, he did not want him anywhere near him. Like this story, loving one’s child unconditionally can be difficult when he has made himself or herself unlovable. So what can you do as a parent or ward when you’ve done everything to love your child and in return he he takes advantage of your love and trust, manipulates or deceives you and hurts others in the process? How can you love this child or ward unconditionally?

LOOK INWARD
Start by praying about your feelings; pour it all out before the Lord and upon Him. ( 1 Pet 5:7) . The Scriptures tell us that we do not have a High Priest who is not familiar with our sufferings. Invite Him into the situation. Tell Him about your frustration, pain and disappointment. Hand them over to Him and receive healing for every pain the issue has caused you.

FORGIVE Forgive your child and release him or her from your heart. This is important because unforgiveness is like a prison, keeping its victims bound and locked up. Forgiving your child or ward frees you from every bitterness and resentment, and frees you to walk in unconditional love toward your child, ward and everyone else around you.

PRAY Pray daily and thank the Lord for your child. For his strengths, areas of growth and development. Thank the Lord for working in your child or ward to make him/her who He wants them to be; loving, kind, patient, joyful, respectful, thoughtful and purposeful; everything good thing you desire in your child according to God’s Word. Thank the Lord for the gifts He has graciously given your child and for the opportunities to use them.

BE INTENTIONAL Intentionally recognize and celebrate his/her good behavior, positive attitudes, the subjects he/she passed in class, improvements made, chores done and even how good he looks in his new shirt. Focusing on your child’s strengths and good behavior will reaffirm your unconditional love for him/ her and encourage him to want to do better. This attitude will eventually spread to those ‘not so good’ areas. This is because your child or ward starts to believe that he can be better and do things right. Of course by all means leave limitations and boundaries in place.

LOOK FOR OPPORTUNITIES. As you pray for your child each day and choose to walk in love towards him, the opportunity to just sit and talk will show up. Seize it and find out what’s going on with him or her. Your can have this conversation in your child’s room or the living room, invite him to join you to the store, while you make some food in the kitchen, or working on a task together. Sometimes there may be no need for words, just enjoy one another’s presence. SAY “I LOVE YOU, or “I believe in you, I know God has a beautiful plan for your life.” Let your child know that you love him/her no matter what. It is okay to let him know how his behavior made you feel; but that inspite of that, you will still continue love him or her and nothing would ever change that. Like the story of the prodigal son in the Bible, assuring your child or ward of your unconditional love will go a long way in restoring the confidence and self esteem of your child. It will also make your child or ward know that you are for him and not against him.

Finally

In verse thirteen of the last chapter of the Apostle Paul's letter to the Ephesians he concludes by saying,  "... and having done all, to stand" (Eph 6:13). Like every area of our lives, we can only do what we are in control of.  The rest we leave to the Lord in absolute trust.  It is the same with our  children.  Having done all that you believe it right to do,  rest in the loving grace and power of God to work in the life of your child. He alone is able to work in him or her  to will and do of His good pleasure.  No amount of worry, screaming, or sleepless nights can do it.  Only He can. And you must rest in Him and  trust Him to make your child what He wants him or her to be.